Linwood Storm on “Assessing Greatness Within”
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The more I grow as an individual through natural curiosity and exploration while expanding my intellect, the harder it becomes to be fulfilled with what I have accomplished when I think of what I still need to. When I get into this state of mind, I tend to distance myself from unnecessary interaction with society until I feel as if I’m better than who I previously was in various areas such as physical strength, education, financial freedom, and the management of stress levels. Lately, I’ve gotten to a place where I seek the utmost simplicity in life and have noticed my tolerance for less than honest or ambitious actions at an extremely low point. Especially from those passing judgment because they wish to relieve their own feelings of inadequacy. What bothers me the most is the time that I’ve given to some hasn’t been used wisely by them and I see my own passion not given the same support as I have for theirs in return.
There seems to be an air of entitlement along with comedically narcissistic behavior in this day and age, which I’m quite sick of it so I try to pay as little attention to it as I can. In my youth, I would have jumped at the chance, however, I rarely see doing so as beneficial, and usually deciding that any engagement would amount to a distraction or even procrastination. The most recent example of me dedicating time to respond to allegations is a vlog post that I made a few months ago to an acquaintance who “put words in my mouth”. After thoroughly disputing his claims, which I considered to be “egregious”, I saw further evidence of there being an agenda to publicly defame my character in order to present himself in a certain light to his followers and I chose not to associate with him anymore. The notion that I’m seen as a threat because of my background is understandable to a degree, but there’s a difference between encouraging healthy competition and an obsession based on insecurity. In this instance, the latter felt obvious and I’ve found it easier to walk away from an escalating conflict than to stoop as low as I can.
I would rather be left alone than to belong. I’ve seen the pitfalls of codependency and I dread the thought of entertaining any wish for validation. Over the years, you realize that the priorities of others cannot be allowed to overtake your own journey or bring disrespect to you as a person. This is the main reason why I place a lot of importance on telling my story through GameCargo, which is a company that I founded. An alternative narrative has no meaningful basis in comparison to documentation from those close to the figure or him/herself. Seeing how Shannon Lee has to constantly defend facetious depictions of her father Bruce Lee against willfully ignorant directors like Quentin Tarantino and their followers drove me to increase my efforts to safeguard the legacy that I’m leaving behind. I can’t stop people from spewing nonsense or portraying me in a negative manner after death, but I can provide evidence to the contrary for those in charge of my image in the future.
Lately, I’ve been struggling to let go of the animosity that I hold toward myself and others. It’s become easier to get to a point of rage and while I don’t show it, the anger builds up until I have long-winded “conversations with myself” in private in order to keep from mentally succumbing to stress or lashing out until the point of regret. It’s astounding how many folks mention to me that I keep a “cool head” or that I’m stoic, yet I find it impossible to take those traits as a compliment when they are perceived as a weakness that promotes conduct meant to try my patience by a few seeking to mask their own emotions. As taxing or complicated situations continue to pile on, I still find solace in writing. Admittedly, part of me is still recovering from the death of my Grandma Thelma, who would randomly call my phone just to check up on me. I don’t necessarily have that connection with anyone. I haven’t spoken with my mother in a couple of years now and I’m on good terms with my father. My bouts of dealing with reoccurring memories of childhood come and go as my thoughts typically conclude with maintaining control of my overall attitude.
Although it’s becoming easier to let go of others, the difficulty in eradicating my own past transgressions and the effect they’ve had on my growth have shown to be even harder. I don’t suffer from anxiety or depression, however, I do wish I could progress a lot faster than I am in life without the constant setbacks due to still learning. If I had known as much as I do now back when I was 18-21, I would currently be retired somewhere off-grid or in the Philippines. I’ve allowed myself to get swept up in numerous love affairs as a polyamorous bachelor, dedicated free time to the projects of (possibly ungrateful) friends/colleagues that have gone nowhere, and at times have lost track of completing a task within the plethora of ventures because I second guess spending whether I’m spending too much time focusing on a specific operation. The pressure of being a one-man team at the moment while simultaneously training for an ultramarathon can be cumbersome, but next year will be changing that if I acquire the success I’m planning to in 2021.
I have one more animated short to release, titled ‘The Manifestation of Boogie’, the upcoming graphic novel ‘Mad Gods’, an exciting season two of the ‘Black Grindhouse’ podcast, more ‘GameCargo Multiverse Myths’, a seven-track album from moi, and more merchandise.
I have no intention of stopping what I began. Doing so would be a great disservice to my lineage and creativity, hence why lately I’ve begun to stage my birth name alongside the aliases I go by. It would be a waste for what I’ve accomplished to be forgettable.
“There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.” ― Ken Blanchard