‘The Rage of Hondo’ by Linwood Storm [Multiverse Myths]
GameCargo Multiverse Myths
Disclaimer: The tale that you are about to read has been illegally extracted from the Orion Five’s incomplete galactic archives and therefore any information provided in it should be deemed non-canonical concerning historic databases that document alternate timelines for educational purposes due to the possibility of third-party alterations.
Trigger Warning: Contains Graphic Violence and Brief Strong Language
Before the rise of humanity’s inventor, Mundïus, and monopolization of the multiverse, there existed an entity far superior to his might that wandered throughout the cosmos. Soh-Fua, a loving, yet vengeful celestial goddess worshipped by her devout followers on what scientists from Earth now refer to as planet Myra-8008. A psychedelic paradise of vivid colors and steampunk gadgetry. The appearance of its inhabitants resembled the darkest skin tones of Senegal, differentiating styles of afro-textured hair, and brown bionic eyes that have been installed in all since birth. Their average lifespan was one-hundred and fifty years and the preferable dietary lifestyle were pills that contained meals providing the advertised nutrients in the package. These pills also gave a “sensory high” that consumers likened to the process of consuming the food. This allowed their government to sell wildlife to neighboring planets that weren’t as technologically advanced as they were.
This civilization was not without its misfortune, however. Incessantly, immigrants would journey from across space to seek refugee from warlords that have ruthlessly conquered with the aid of pirates. The immigrants were given a section of land on the grounds that they would not interfere with the politics set in place, or broadcast an off-world signal, in the possibility of invaders. Unfortunately, one of the expatriates was an intelligence agent who had managed to build trust among the natives of Myra-8008 and used them to locate a Deity Code: A large crystalized sphere that’s capable of recreating a universe from the point of its compression date. Older Gods created Diety Codes in the event that their planets may be decimated by unforeseen circumstances.
Furious that she could not predict this foreigner’s betrayal and unable to physically walk amongst the society, Soh-Fua confined the immigrants to their homes, then sent the most bloodthirsty warrior in her army to slaughter every single one of them. This violent ten feet tall golden-brown-skinned giantess, who wore her hair in a distinguishable dread updo bun and covered her 38GG breasts with metallic armor that hung a fused metal-coated baby mastodon’s skull into her chest plate was the daughter of Soh-Fua, Omadela. Not the one for survivors, she called upon her two pet cardinals and commanded both to spew flames around the villages as she brandished her nimcha sword. The blindsided settlers were not allowed to own weapons deemed too deadly, so none found themselves prepared for the genocide that commenced. Omadela took her time sadistically chopping innocent victims with a blade partially forged using ricinus poison. Those that fought back were scalped after having all four of their limbs gruesomely severed and stacked outdoors.
The intelligence agent was nowhere to be found, however, his distraught nine-year-old son, Hondo, remained in the area. While Omadela had previously taken pleasure in murdering adolescent children, Hondo reminded her of a childhood sweetheart. Omadela smiled and kneeled down to speak the only words she had that night “You will make a fine slave.” Omadela kidnapped the boy and he was never seen again by the people of Myra-8008 for years. This secret was unbeknownst to her mother, Soh-Fua, who thought the boy was her son, a child that Omadela had savagely fed to Goolup, “The God of Cannibals”, in exchange for safe infertility. Hondo’s passage throughout his Goddess’ heavens came at a cost. His innocence. Omadela had raised him to mercilessly kill the enemies of Soh-Fua, sexually please the former as his surrogate mother while practicing coitus reservatus to transmute his carnal energy into fury in combat unless breeding captive servants that they had acquired during their adventures.
At the age of twenty-six, he was an exceptional swordsman and feared based on his reputation as a conqueror alone. Soh-Fua would command rain to cleanse the royal armor that he wore, after a bloody affair. He never allowed his face to be anything other than clean-shaven for public appearances, proudly displaying his battle scars, and sported a white Hi-top fade that was trimmed by golden clippers delivered by the barber of Papa Midas as a gift for saving his life during a coup attempt at his palace. The coup was instigated by corpses in guard uniforms, that a force known as ‘The Obayifo’s Whispers’ had possessed. An uprising against Papa Midas was long anticipated by the planet’s Supernatural Research Council, but attempts were discouraged through division that political leaders had manufactured using hypnosis in radio broadcasts.
After drones of an independent archaeology corporation had discovered ancient ruins emitting a dangerous amount of mystic energy, Omadela and Hondo were sent on a scavenger mission to retrieve any artifacts that might be of use to their goddess. They gathered as much that they could carry in their sack before having to contend with an army of frantic dagger-wielding skeletons sprouting up from the dirt. Although heavily injured by the number of cuts from their undead opponents, the duo managed to arrive at the extraction zone for medical care in a helicopter that was dispatched by Papa Midas.
Unbeknownst to them, Papa Midas was displeased that they had further provoked ‘The Obayifo’s Whispers’ in search of fortune behind his back and ordered a double execution by firing squad inside of his palace. Unsurprised, Omadela smiled and held up a dusty stone tablet while walking forward to Papa Midas, whose morbidly obese frame pompously slouched in the seat of his exquisite throne awaiting the carnage.
“Normally, I would prefer carving loons in crowns up with my blessed steel, but I’m more intrigued with the sorcery rumored to have been conjured by these treasures,” spoke Omadela before blowing the dust off of the stone tablet and reciting a line in an ancient language. The alien symbols on the stone tablet emitted green light and Papa Midas’ firing squad turned around to target him with their plasma rifles. “How fitting of a witch from space…” Papa Midas uninterestedly said as he rested his face in his hands. “Fuck you…” responded Omadela before holding down an imaginary trigger with her other hand. The firing squad turned on each other and blasted until a mess of flesh, blood, and guts showered the floor! She then ran at Papa Midas with all of her might and her trusted brand raised.
Papa Midas braced himself for a blow that never came. Omadela had been stopped in her tracks by Hondo, who was now holding the stone tablet. She was then deeply impaled by her blade from behind and grotesquely vomited pools of blood all over Papa Midas’ face, covering his body from head to toe. Hondo withdrew and holstered his sword, watching Omadela’s dying body collapse. She looked up at him and weakly asked “why?” Hondo rabidly stomped on her face with tears running down his own until her skull was dust underneath his boot. He then plucked a shattered piece of bone poking through the skin of her mushed nasal cavity, repeatedly stabbed Papa Midas’ in his jugular vein, and threw him from his throne.
The man sat down, barbarically admired the outcome of the chaotic scene like a painting, and would emerge a decade later as “Papa Hondo”, the grandson of Soh-Fua and beloved ruler of Myra-8008 once vanquishing opposing nations that challenged his dictatorship. The story told to his grandmother was that Papa Midas had assassinated Omadela and he avenged her death. She was not entirely sure whether this was the truth, however, accepted that Papa Hondo shared enough of the family’s merciless nature and hindsight to take on his mother’s responsibilities, but first he had to choose a wife. Papa Hondo chose several.
On his fiftieth birthday, Papa Hondo’s third wife and assassin on-retainer, Mone, presented him with the decapitated head of his father. Papa Hondo held his father’s head, momentarily awestruck, and kissed its forehead.
“I forgive you.” Papa Hondo whispered.
He danced with his father’s head in the living room for quite some time, in front of many party guests, who were either concerned for his well-being or too afraid to leave the palace. Papa Hondo then tossed his father’s head into the furnace and cried into the bosoms breasts of a porky concubine.
The last known coordinates of the Deity Code that his father had stolen remains hidden on an unknown planet to this day. Conspiracy theorists continue to search for it on Earth, as they believe that the properties inside may contain the revelation that Africa is a condensed regeneration of Myra-8008 and the continent’s riches have cursed colonizers, along with those who did not descend from a fabricated ‘Rib of Adam’ tribe for centuries.
Death has yet to quell these “fairy tales”.